it's been awhile and my heart is just in the mood to write. Can i write well or relay a clear message through a blog like others , no, but this is a place where my heart can vent and bring forth what it's been holding onto. Next month will mark my dad being gone for a year and what a year it has been. The first months were numb and i can't even relay what i was think or feeling because the numbness was so strong. Then shortly after i went on a missions trip where the breath of God was blown on my heart in such a powerful way, his faithfulness truly showed up and i found strength in that.
The most important thing though in the midst of my dad passing, missions being in front of my face... i had a prayer answered. A prayer i had been praying for many months and years. This prayer was focused around my soul mate, the one besides Jesus that my heart would love and spend forever with... My future husband.... little did i know following 2 weeks after my dad passing Jamie would ask me out and to be His.
At the time this brought me extreme happiness and a chance to just be loved in such a different way and allow a man of God to love me the way God intended. We had our awkward moments of silence,where do we go on a date, and when do we say the three words i love you! Those moments faded the more i got to know him. I realized he was the most amazing, loving, caring, gentle, faithful, honest, full of integrity man of God and he was mine.
To take a side trail I've never dated, unless you count the one month when I was 13 ... which was stupid. but following that point i committed to not date until i knew the time was right and God brought me my husband. This may seem like a crazy perspective or way of living for some, but for me I knew that my God would meet the desires of my heart, i knew he had one guy for me and when that guy was ready and i was ready He would bring him to me in his timing. That moment was on September 16th , 2012. I agreed to go on a date with him, only a few days later we did.
Little did i know on September 20th i would be going on my first date with my future husband. The funny thing is, here we are 10 months later I'm engaged to him, we are 93 days away from marriage and my heart couldn't be more excited, more in love, more over joyed that my God, my father would take the time to meet my desires and more.... He gave me a man that i get to call husband on October 26th , 2013 ... and the rest of my life. This man is not just what i prayed for but he's more and i wake up every morning with a smile on face, a skip in my step, because God provided for me ... and i get to marry Jamie. I get to do life, ministry, every day things with him for my entire life. And i cannnnnnooottttt wait!
Looking back at when this all started there was sorrow because my father , the one man i loved and loved being his daughter went to heaven. but in the midst of that sorrow there was a spark of joy relit...because I had a gem... God answered my 12 year prayer in that moment and Jamie pursued me.... the biggest thing that spoke volumes to me wasn't the sweet notes... following the ask out, wasn't the over amazing dates that started then and continue today, they are phenomenal and still spoke volumes to my heart... but i think the one thing that stuck out the most was he was my friend first. He cared about me as his friend he loved me in that... and then began pursuing me as his girlfriend and the one he would marry.
Why i am writing all of this i don't know except for the sheer thought of remembering what God has done, a chance to see in writing that God answered lil ol me in my moments of prayers, in my moments of pleading with him for my future husband ...for Jamie... and little did i know he would answer it and here we are 3 months away from the big day.
It I can offer anything it would be never give up praying, give up seeking God, or let go of the things God has spoken to your heart. You never know when God will move and open that door you've been praying for or when that dream will come to pass. Life doesn't make sense and things happen but God will always forever be faithful. He is a good God... and He has all your desires in his hands... He has your future spouse, your heart, your dreams, your life..... If he took the time to show up for me and he cares for me so much that he had Jamie for me he will do anything....he can do anything... i am excited and eagerly ready to start life with the man God chose for me !!! So no matter what keep going..... keep seeking and keep praying He has it! And He does answer prayers even when you think He doesn't it's always in his timing!
