it's been awhile and my heart is just in the mood to write. Can i write well or relay a clear message through a blog like others , no, but this is a place where my heart can vent and bring forth what it's been holding onto. Next month will mark my dad being gone for a year and what a year it has been. The first months were numb and i can't even relay what i was think or feeling because the numbness was so strong. Then shortly after i went on a missions trip where the breath of God was blown on my heart in such a powerful way, his faithfulness truly showed up and i found strength in that.
The most important thing though in the midst of my dad passing, missions being in front of my face... i had a prayer answered. A prayer i had been praying for many months and years. This prayer was focused around my soul mate, the one besides Jesus that my heart would love and spend forever with... My future husband.... little did i know following 2 weeks after my dad passing Jamie would ask me out and to be His.
At the time this brought me extreme happiness and a chance to just be loved in such a different way and allow a man of God to love me the way God intended. We had our awkward moments of silence,where do we go on a date, and when do we say the three words i love you! Those moments faded the more i got to know him. I realized he was the most amazing, loving, caring, gentle, faithful, honest, full of integrity man of God and he was mine.
To take a side trail I've never dated, unless you count the one month when I was 13 ... which was stupid. but following that point i committed to not date until i knew the time was right and God brought me my husband. This may seem like a crazy perspective or way of living for some, but for me I knew that my God would meet the desires of my heart, i knew he had one guy for me and when that guy was ready and i was ready He would bring him to me in his timing. That moment was on September 16th , 2012. I agreed to go on a date with him, only a few days later we did.
Little did i know on September 20th i would be going on my first date with my future husband. The funny thing is, here we are 10 months later I'm engaged to him, we are 93 days away from marriage and my heart couldn't be more excited, more in love, more over joyed that my God, my father would take the time to meet my desires and more.... He gave me a man that i get to call husband on October 26th , 2013 ... and the rest of my life. This man is not just what i prayed for but he's more and i wake up every morning with a smile on face, a skip in my step, because God provided for me ... and i get to marry Jamie. I get to do life, ministry, every day things with him for my entire life. And i cannnnnnooottttt wait!
Looking back at when this all started there was sorrow because my father , the one man i loved and loved being his daughter went to heaven. but in the midst of that sorrow there was a spark of joy relit...because I had a gem... God answered my 12 year prayer in that moment and Jamie pursued me.... the biggest thing that spoke volumes to me wasn't the sweet notes... following the ask out, wasn't the over amazing dates that started then and continue today, they are phenomenal and still spoke volumes to my heart... but i think the one thing that stuck out the most was he was my friend first. He cared about me as his friend he loved me in that... and then began pursuing me as his girlfriend and the one he would marry.
Why i am writing all of this i don't know except for the sheer thought of remembering what God has done, a chance to see in writing that God answered lil ol me in my moments of prayers, in my moments of pleading with him for my future husband ...for Jamie... and little did i know he would answer it and here we are 3 months away from the big day.
It I can offer anything it would be never give up praying, give up seeking God, or let go of the things God has spoken to your heart. You never know when God will move and open that door you've been praying for or when that dream will come to pass. Life doesn't make sense and things happen but God will always forever be faithful. He is a good God... and He has all your desires in his hands... He has your future spouse, your heart, your dreams, your life..... If he took the time to show up for me and he cares for me so much that he had Jamie for me he will do anything....he can do anything... i am excited and eagerly ready to start life with the man God chose for me !!! So no matter what keep going..... keep seeking and keep praying He has it! And He does answer prayers even when you think He doesn't it's always in his timing!
I just want to change the world.......
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Breath
This blog is meant to be a spot where the revelations that i have experienced in my heart meet paper(well electronic paper).
The past 4 months have been a whirlwind of events, changes, and silent moments. So Many events and moments that happen in a normal persons life in a year happened in a matter of months for me. The first event my father passed away. At age 59 an amazing man of God that served his church. his country, those around him no matter who they were, and His family. A man that taught me truly what love really was and what it meant to be a silent leader. One that followed Jesus and lead others to do the same without any words. He shared the gospel, he shared unconditional love and he shared hope. I had 2 days to say goodbye, 2 days to love him, 2 days to realize my world was about to fall apart, so i thought.
In the moments when i sat in the hospital with my dad staring at him reminding him i loved him my heart was grieved by what in the natural looked like disaster. The last conversation I had with him was 2 days prior to the most devastating news we would have ever received. I went to visit him with a friend by my side as i walked in his room which was full of no hope, no faith...it was the first time i saw my dad at a loss of hope moment.... the day prior he got the word he had leukemia and he was sick, but when i walked in he looked at me with the same glimmer in his eye he has always looked at me with and he gave me the final kiss on my forehead i would get from my dad. We talked about life, school, work, friends, and how i always had to be different never wanting to go with the crowd or wanting anything anyone else wanted. He then made fun of my "Mary Poppins" bag as he often called my purses and smile with glimmer as i told him it was my support human trafficking bag. I stood next to my dad fed him ice cream as it was the only thing he wanted, because i urged him to eat something. We laughed as he wanted every last ounce of it, i kissed him goodbye went back home with my friend...and in that moment i didn't see what was ahead..what the next 3 days held for my Family.
Sunday came and my dad was on high doses ofmedicine not really knowing who i was but has a slight memory of me he began to go down hill... we continued to pray... then Monday came the day my world stood still.... I received the news my father was in the final stages of his life. I walked in and out of his room that day holding his hand, telling him i would be okay and just loving him. Within hours following the news my friends flooded the hospital to just come and sit.. There were many moment of silent, few moments of laughter and moments of tears.I remember sitting up all night with a friend as i walked in and out of his room and sitting with him just weeping...
My father came home the next day, he was home for 3 hours and on the 3rd hour i remember staring at my daddy laying in a bed, with a cup of coffee in my hand and feeling the tangible presence of God, with His arms wrapped around me and such a peace. My father took his last breath, their were tears in the days to follow, devastation and many moments of WHY GOD? But through it all God was faithful.
The first month was the hardest i stepped out of ministry, didn't really want to be around anyone, and could care less about anything. But through the mourning comes a sense of peace and joy and there is always a light in the darkness.
On September 16th , I was sitting at a friend's house watching TV with a few people. A few hours passed an amazing man of God that i have the honor and privilege of calling boyfriend, leaned over the couch we were sitting on and asked me out on our first date. The date was on September 20th and that was the night he asked me to be his girlfriend. I remember driving home that night on cloud nine as a man i had been praying for , for 2 years finally asked me to be HIS , i remember laughing because my dad knew that i liked Jamie, he knew that i wanted to date him and i knew that my daddy in the moment was with Jesus and smiling from heaven.
On November 17th , i left the country for a week... a week to allow God to do whatever he wanted through me and in me. A week to be away from the norm and a week to see God impact a country. In that week I saw teens completely changed, teens that back in the states are normally connected at the hip to their phones and their social media completely turned upside down with the love of Christ. For me i had my passions for missions, my passion for ministry, my passion for the calling God has placed on me, came back to life, like God has breathed his amazing life giving breath of them and they all regained the spark that once had. God took his breath and re breathed life into me that has not been there for awhile due to me killing off my dreams and passions, because I bought into the lie that i was not good enough, not able to accomplish my dreams because i was not the "picture" of what ministry was. God reassured me he is not done with me and he wanted to me to continue the passions he has placed in my life no matter how big or small they are, because He will bring them to reality and use me in ministry. It's the call HE has placed on my life!
Over the last 3 months my life has still had it's ups and downs. Moments when i don't understand why my daddy really left ... why i had to loose him....but through all of this I have learned much! God is faithful no matter what! His faithfulness doesn't ever change and His character is ALWAYS the same. Second thing i have learned is that we are meant to trust God without boundaries, without limits. And our faith is meant to have no boundaries, no pre conceived thoughts but just child like limitless faith.
God is daily breathing life into me and daily sparking my passion....From here the sky is the limit and i am looking forward to what the new year holds and what God is going to do, because trusting him with no boundaries is the best feeling in the world.
The past 4 months have been a whirlwind of events, changes, and silent moments. So Many events and moments that happen in a normal persons life in a year happened in a matter of months for me. The first event my father passed away. At age 59 an amazing man of God that served his church. his country, those around him no matter who they were, and His family. A man that taught me truly what love really was and what it meant to be a silent leader. One that followed Jesus and lead others to do the same without any words. He shared the gospel, he shared unconditional love and he shared hope. I had 2 days to say goodbye, 2 days to love him, 2 days to realize my world was about to fall apart, so i thought.
In the moments when i sat in the hospital with my dad staring at him reminding him i loved him my heart was grieved by what in the natural looked like disaster. The last conversation I had with him was 2 days prior to the most devastating news we would have ever received. I went to visit him with a friend by my side as i walked in his room which was full of no hope, no faith...it was the first time i saw my dad at a loss of hope moment.... the day prior he got the word he had leukemia and he was sick, but when i walked in he looked at me with the same glimmer in his eye he has always looked at me with and he gave me the final kiss on my forehead i would get from my dad. We talked about life, school, work, friends, and how i always had to be different never wanting to go with the crowd or wanting anything anyone else wanted. He then made fun of my "Mary Poppins" bag as he often called my purses and smile with glimmer as i told him it was my support human trafficking bag. I stood next to my dad fed him ice cream as it was the only thing he wanted, because i urged him to eat something. We laughed as he wanted every last ounce of it, i kissed him goodbye went back home with my friend...and in that moment i didn't see what was ahead..what the next 3 days held for my Family.
Sunday came and my dad was on high doses ofmedicine not really knowing who i was but has a slight memory of me he began to go down hill... we continued to pray... then Monday came the day my world stood still.... I received the news my father was in the final stages of his life. I walked in and out of his room that day holding his hand, telling him i would be okay and just loving him. Within hours following the news my friends flooded the hospital to just come and sit.. There were many moment of silent, few moments of laughter and moments of tears.I remember sitting up all night with a friend as i walked in and out of his room and sitting with him just weeping...
My father came home the next day, he was home for 3 hours and on the 3rd hour i remember staring at my daddy laying in a bed, with a cup of coffee in my hand and feeling the tangible presence of God, with His arms wrapped around me and such a peace. My father took his last breath, their were tears in the days to follow, devastation and many moments of WHY GOD? But through it all God was faithful.
The first month was the hardest i stepped out of ministry, didn't really want to be around anyone, and could care less about anything. But through the mourning comes a sense of peace and joy and there is always a light in the darkness.
On September 16th , I was sitting at a friend's house watching TV with a few people. A few hours passed an amazing man of God that i have the honor and privilege of calling boyfriend, leaned over the couch we were sitting on and asked me out on our first date. The date was on September 20th and that was the night he asked me to be his girlfriend. I remember driving home that night on cloud nine as a man i had been praying for , for 2 years finally asked me to be HIS , i remember laughing because my dad knew that i liked Jamie, he knew that i wanted to date him and i knew that my daddy in the moment was with Jesus and smiling from heaven.
On November 17th , i left the country for a week... a week to allow God to do whatever he wanted through me and in me. A week to be away from the norm and a week to see God impact a country. In that week I saw teens completely changed, teens that back in the states are normally connected at the hip to their phones and their social media completely turned upside down with the love of Christ. For me i had my passions for missions, my passion for ministry, my passion for the calling God has placed on me, came back to life, like God has breathed his amazing life giving breath of them and they all regained the spark that once had. God took his breath and re breathed life into me that has not been there for awhile due to me killing off my dreams and passions, because I bought into the lie that i was not good enough, not able to accomplish my dreams because i was not the "picture" of what ministry was. God reassured me he is not done with me and he wanted to me to continue the passions he has placed in my life no matter how big or small they are, because He will bring them to reality and use me in ministry. It's the call HE has placed on my life!
Over the last 3 months my life has still had it's ups and downs. Moments when i don't understand why my daddy really left ... why i had to loose him....but through all of this I have learned much! God is faithful no matter what! His faithfulness doesn't ever change and His character is ALWAYS the same. Second thing i have learned is that we are meant to trust God without boundaries, without limits. And our faith is meant to have no boundaries, no pre conceived thoughts but just child like limitless faith.
God is daily breathing life into me and daily sparking my passion....From here the sky is the limit and i am looking forward to what the new year holds and what God is going to do, because trusting him with no boundaries is the best feeling in the world.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
My daddy
A week ago today I was sitting at home planning something I never expected in a million years to plan.... my fathers celebration service. A little over a week ago we were approached with some heavy news of my father having leukemia. When that news hit me my entire heart and world crumbled. The man I call my dad had something spoken over him none of us were expecting. Within days things turned for the worst...and my world continued to stand still and crumble. Countless hours i spent at the hospital praying and hoping for a turn around... for God to just show up in a miraculous way... we just needed a modern day
miracle...
a day passed and Monday i headed to the hospital and got the news no one every wanted to hear...my father was loosing his fight in life and everything was stopping.... I remember in those moments thinking in the back of my mind this can't be ...my daddy can't die ...he can't leave me ..not now... not at this moment in life.
I stayed with him that night closing my eyes for a few mins of rest here and there... going in to get a glimpse of his eyes..and try to hear his voice one last time. but i got nothing until that morning when he screamed stop it to a few nurses because he was in pain and shock.... i was terrified when i saw my dad look at me straight in the eyes with ultimate terror on his face... my daddy the one who i have loved since i placed my eyes on him... he always made everything better from a skinned knee to a broken heart... he always knew what to do he was my daddy.... He was able to come home that day on Tuesday August 28th... he got home incoherent, sleeping on and off... i sat there staring at him trying to remember his smile, his eyes, his voice.... then as i laid on the couch i saw a image of my daddy grabbing Jesus' hand and walking hand in hand with him... with an hour my father breathed his final breath here on earth.... and in that moment if i didn't think my world was still enough... it came to a complete halt.... no sound, no movement nothing phased me because the man i loved, valued, treasured, admired was gone....
it's only been 2 days since i had my fathers celebration service and buried his ashes...and my heart ... it still hurts...
do i have moments where i still think I'm in a dream and someone is going to shake me of it? yes i do every day .... everyday i think my daddy is going to walk through the door give me a giant hug and kiss my forehead.... i long for that moment again ... even at 25 i am still a daddy's girl.... and will always be a daddy's girl. There are so many memories of him i still have and yes those make me smile... but there is a longing in my heart to just see him again... to just sit with him and here him tell 3 hour long stories I've heard 100 times before... to play around sarcastically with him for hours... or to just go on a ride with him in his truck and listen to him singing to his savior.
There are moments of that fast 5 day process that i can't shake.... i know one day.. i pray one day i will be able to ...but for now they're still there. there are also those moments where i got him to say i love you one last time and in the middle of that he said he was going to be okay and so was i.... the past 25 years were the best with my dad. He was a man of faith fullness, a man of passion, a man who was a true leader that lead with not his words but his actions and his heart... he was a man that loved deep and with out questions.
My father believed in me every day to accomplish whatever my heart desired... he believed i could changed the world whatever missisons trip i went on next.... and the question was never are you going on another missions trip... it was Well sis when are you going next and where to?... He would always say you always have to be different ... you can never be the same or do the same as anyone else..... that was my dad... A man who loved me and i loved him...
i had my last car ride with my daddy as i picked up his urn and his ashes...the entire way home i kept my hand on his box and told him how much i loved him and how much i missed him.... and in the back of my mind i could hear his voice.. i love you sissy girl.... and i could see his face and his smile ........
I miss my dad .. and i know this is the beginning of the process but it doesn't make it better... i just miss him
miracle...
a day passed and Monday i headed to the hospital and got the news no one every wanted to hear...my father was loosing his fight in life and everything was stopping.... I remember in those moments thinking in the back of my mind this can't be ...my daddy can't die ...he can't leave me ..not now... not at this moment in life.
I stayed with him that night closing my eyes for a few mins of rest here and there... going in to get a glimpse of his eyes..and try to hear his voice one last time. but i got nothing until that morning when he screamed stop it to a few nurses because he was in pain and shock.... i was terrified when i saw my dad look at me straight in the eyes with ultimate terror on his face... my daddy the one who i have loved since i placed my eyes on him... he always made everything better from a skinned knee to a broken heart... he always knew what to do he was my daddy.... He was able to come home that day on Tuesday August 28th... he got home incoherent, sleeping on and off... i sat there staring at him trying to remember his smile, his eyes, his voice.... then as i laid on the couch i saw a image of my daddy grabbing Jesus' hand and walking hand in hand with him... with an hour my father breathed his final breath here on earth.... and in that moment if i didn't think my world was still enough... it came to a complete halt.... no sound, no movement nothing phased me because the man i loved, valued, treasured, admired was gone....
it's only been 2 days since i had my fathers celebration service and buried his ashes...and my heart ... it still hurts...
do i have moments where i still think I'm in a dream and someone is going to shake me of it? yes i do every day .... everyday i think my daddy is going to walk through the door give me a giant hug and kiss my forehead.... i long for that moment again ... even at 25 i am still a daddy's girl.... and will always be a daddy's girl. There are so many memories of him i still have and yes those make me smile... but there is a longing in my heart to just see him again... to just sit with him and here him tell 3 hour long stories I've heard 100 times before... to play around sarcastically with him for hours... or to just go on a ride with him in his truck and listen to him singing to his savior.
There are moments of that fast 5 day process that i can't shake.... i know one day.. i pray one day i will be able to ...but for now they're still there. there are also those moments where i got him to say i love you one last time and in the middle of that he said he was going to be okay and so was i.... the past 25 years were the best with my dad. He was a man of faith fullness, a man of passion, a man who was a true leader that lead with not his words but his actions and his heart... he was a man that loved deep and with out questions.
My father believed in me every day to accomplish whatever my heart desired... he believed i could changed the world whatever missisons trip i went on next.... and the question was never are you going on another missions trip... it was Well sis when are you going next and where to?... He would always say you always have to be different ... you can never be the same or do the same as anyone else..... that was my dad... A man who loved me and i loved him...
i had my last car ride with my daddy as i picked up his urn and his ashes...the entire way home i kept my hand on his box and told him how much i loved him and how much i missed him.... and in the back of my mind i could hear his voice.. i love you sissy girl.... and i could see his face and his smile ........
I miss my dad .. and i know this is the beginning of the process but it doesn't make it better... i just miss him
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Truth
For 25 years I have been alive... how crazy is that.... well too me it is. As my birthday was approaching I had the thought in the back of my mind oh it's just another day, another day to live another year to accomplish goals.
But when i woke up this morning i had a new fresh perspective..... This is not just another year.
It's a year ahead of me where I will conquer things that have been following me my entire life... it's a year where new doors will be opened, a year where i will walk through the doors that have been in front of me for the longest time and i have yet to walk through them. And a year where fear will not conquer me.
So many times in my life i have seen the hand of fear silence, and detour my direction....
Recently God challenged me and brought a thought to mind... so many times the very thing i am afraid of (Good things, leadership , titles, direction etc.) When it comes to reality and is sitting in front of me I am more terrified to take the risk then i was when it was just a mere thought. I was talking a firend that is faced with a dream in from of them... and they told me It terrifies me so much , yet i know it's the calling on my life... yet it's scary.
Truth, of course the one thing we dream of for so long ... and we might have a fear in the back of our mind about it ... but it's not reality so we're not scared... but when it becomes reality are almost reality we are terrified.... why is that, why do we allow the fear to come over us... well it can be millions of things but for this girl that fear no longer has power....
I am not meant to live a life of fear or even a life of just an ordinary 25 yr old. I meant to live life with no regrets, no fear , and taking a leap of faith every day even when it does not make sense.
So here's to 25 a year where i am determined to conquer something as simple as my health!
A year to conquer life dreams and see them come to fruition. This year i will grow, i will change and i will be stretched.... No longer is normal life an option but i am choosing today to live life to the fullest and always be in an attitude of faith ........ today i choose to go for it and not look back!
So what's next? I don't know but i know whatever it is ... it looks so Good! This is a year of promises coming to reality!
25 is going to be good!
But when i woke up this morning i had a new fresh perspective..... This is not just another year.
It's a year ahead of me where I will conquer things that have been following me my entire life... it's a year where new doors will be opened, a year where i will walk through the doors that have been in front of me for the longest time and i have yet to walk through them. And a year where fear will not conquer me.
So many times in my life i have seen the hand of fear silence, and detour my direction....
Recently God challenged me and brought a thought to mind... so many times the very thing i am afraid of (Good things, leadership , titles, direction etc.) When it comes to reality and is sitting in front of me I am more terrified to take the risk then i was when it was just a mere thought. I was talking a firend that is faced with a dream in from of them... and they told me It terrifies me so much , yet i know it's the calling on my life... yet it's scary.
Truth, of course the one thing we dream of for so long ... and we might have a fear in the back of our mind about it ... but it's not reality so we're not scared... but when it becomes reality are almost reality we are terrified.... why is that, why do we allow the fear to come over us... well it can be millions of things but for this girl that fear no longer has power....
I am not meant to live a life of fear or even a life of just an ordinary 25 yr old. I meant to live life with no regrets, no fear , and taking a leap of faith every day even when it does not make sense.
So here's to 25 a year where i am determined to conquer something as simple as my health!
A year to conquer life dreams and see them come to fruition. This year i will grow, i will change and i will be stretched.... No longer is normal life an option but i am choosing today to live life to the fullest and always be in an attitude of faith ........ today i choose to go for it and not look back!
So what's next? I don't know but i know whatever it is ... it looks so Good! This is a year of promises coming to reality!
25 is going to be good!
Monday, May 28, 2012
Commitment
Over the past 6 months I have been trying to get back on the exercise train and stay on it...yet why is it today 6 months later i am a few pounds lighter yet off of exercising on a daily basis. Why is it that so many including myself have a hard problem with beating the commitment to exercise and full healthy eating? Why is this commitment so hard to stick to like glue?
As i was thinking about this and wondering why is it so hard for me to complete this thing and just get fully healthy and stay healthy i realized i have a problem with asking for help when i need it.... instead of me looking at my amazing personal trainer and admitting i can't do this on my own I've ignored her, pushed her away and say i got it under control...but in retrospect i don't.... now I'm not this obsessed girl with her weight not my outward appearance...i just want to be healthy and stay healthy and i know i have the food thing down it's just the exercise that needs improvement.
So why now... well this is probably the 3rd summer i will not go by without making a change in my life admitting i need help and partnering with an amazing woman God has placed in my life along with him and kicking this thing for good.
I am blogging this one to get it off my heart and two, to get myself accountable with the few that look at this..... i am determined to beat this for good and never look back. So it's time to pray, keep my head up and sink my feet into the sand and not give up.
so here i go.... ready to accomplish the next step in my journey!
As i was thinking about this and wondering why is it so hard for me to complete this thing and just get fully healthy and stay healthy i realized i have a problem with asking for help when i need it.... instead of me looking at my amazing personal trainer and admitting i can't do this on my own I've ignored her, pushed her away and say i got it under control...but in retrospect i don't.... now I'm not this obsessed girl with her weight not my outward appearance...i just want to be healthy and stay healthy and i know i have the food thing down it's just the exercise that needs improvement.
So why now... well this is probably the 3rd summer i will not go by without making a change in my life admitting i need help and partnering with an amazing woman God has placed in my life along with him and kicking this thing for good.
I am blogging this one to get it off my heart and two, to get myself accountable with the few that look at this..... i am determined to beat this for good and never look back. So it's time to pray, keep my head up and sink my feet into the sand and not give up.
so here i go.... ready to accomplish the next step in my journey!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Burning lies
For the past week or so my heart has been burning with pain and frustration for this generation.
For those that know me well, know when i speak about something it is normally a burden that has been on my heart for a while. Well it's one of those times where another burden that has been on my heart for years is burning deep again.
This weekend i went shopping with my aunt and in her bathroom was the picture on the wall a norman rockwell painting
This painting grieved my heart becuase it is truth to so many girls today. And of course it hits home personally to my heart and my own story. so many girls today look at themselves in the mirror, stare at a "Fake" model in the magazine and buy into the lie that this is the way you are to act,live,and look. And that is where the lie begins by the first stare at that "fake" model and the cycle of destruction starts. Last year i had the opportunity to see one of my dreams come to reality, "The one day girl" Conference. A conference where we showed girls that as women of God we can take the lies the enemy has places into our hearts and give them God in exchange for the truth! During the months of preperation that went into this conference, my heart was put to the test every day...every lie that i ever believed , every issue i ever dealt with , every thought i ever had against what God created in me came up. During this time i remmeber saying God what is going on with me , why am i an emothional wreck one minute and fine the next. God was stretching me and showing me that I myself still held on to things and he was ready to take them over, and he did.... (What does this have to with this blog? Nothing really, except to show that i am human and i have moments just like every other girl). When this conference started the burden got deeper and deeper in my heart. I hate seeing girls walk around tangled in lies and bondages, when i know they can be set free. This picture reminded me of every conversation i have ever had with girls and the lies that they are tourmented with daily.... and then i remembered those revelation moments in my own life and in others. I know for a fact if we would begin speaking the truth over God in place of believing these lies we would change the world! Whatever happened to taking your eyes off of the mirror and looking to the Bible for the answers....God does not desire us as women of God to daily critique and fret over who we are not and what we do not look like. There is more to life then worrying daily about these things... God created us the way HE desired......everything from our smile, hair, quirks, feet and laugh...He made them the way HE desired. Sometimes i know when these things creep up in life it's hard to step away from the mirror and look at God for the truth...becuase we are human and we want to solve it whether that means loosing 10 lbs or changing our hair color or acting a different way. But when we begin to stop looking at the mirror and buy into the truth of God we will change not only our lives but the lives of those surrounding us! My heart has been burning with this daily! I know this generation is full of the lies of this is how you are to act and look ...be loud and bold no matter what, wear whatever you want in order to express your idenity even if it goes against God's standards.... Talk and joke about whatever you want as long as you fit in to the "popular"crowd, Give up your virginity because it means nothing anyways and sex equals acceptance and love! These are all lies... All that matters is what does God want, what does God desire....... sometimes i just wish girls would get this, women of God( including myself) would get this... the enemy knows our weaknesses and unfourtunately this is a BIG weakness in a lot of lives... But when we begin to shine the truth of God on these lies they will die and be replaced with the truth of God!! Let's change our perspective and allow God's light to shine on the areas in our lives that do not line up with His truth!
For those that know me well, know when i speak about something it is normally a burden that has been on my heart for a while. Well it's one of those times where another burden that has been on my heart for years is burning deep again.
This weekend i went shopping with my aunt and in her bathroom was the picture on the wall a norman rockwell painting
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
The unexpected season
Life this past week has been less then amazing or phenomenal. You know those moments where bam something comes along and your life flashes before your very eyes and you have no idea where that moment came from and why?
Yea my life has been that way for the past week..... Side note: I strongly believe God prepares us for these BAM seasons we just don't know that He has prepared us for that BAM moment. : Over the past 3 weeks I have seen people pass away , families broken, girls I've mentored fall apart and life just thrown at your face. I have been reminded through all of this that God is faithful and God is true and God is God through all of this. And on top of it all we are not guaranteed anything in life.... not even our next breath or our next dream to come to pass.... ..This has been the BIG "Shock" reminder to me in the past weeks. And i thought through all that has gone on God was just like here Crystal be reminded that I am who I say I am and I will do what I say I will do and on top of it My Grace is Sufficient through every circumstance not just the ones you choose my grace for! But my grace is always present and always Sufficient!
Well His grace sure was put to test in my life on Monday, As i was driving and half way paying attention i ran into a car .... probably one of the top most scariest times in my life. In the moments of seeing it, slamming on my brakes and swerving all i could think of what Jesus..... as my car stopped after hitting a bush and skimming a telephone pole my heart was racing a hundred miles per hour i had no idea what to think except for am i okay , is the other car ok,,,,, in those moments my heart was numb , and this stranger stopped ran over the me to check on me and calm me down along with 3 other cars full of people.... when the ambulance came all i could think over and over again was God your grace is sufficient.
Even though this was the crummiest thing that could happen especially with it being my fault, and me walking away with very minor injuries ...my heart was reminded wow , God you grace really is all i need!
Yesterday i was faced with my car to see the damage.... after looking at it i was taken back ....as the damaged done to the car should have caused more damaged to me ...but because God is such a sovereign God and his grace is overly sufficient he watched over me! .... The past 2 days I have been stuck to resting...just resting ....(Which if you know me i am known to hate rest, but am constantly on the go). In this unexpected season of trusting in God that insurance will work its way out and just resting i am reminded that His grace is sufficient, His grace will get me through because along with His grace comes an everlasting Peace. So along with soaking up His grace I am having to lay it all down at his feet and focus on this unexpected season of learning about His amazing, undeniable GRACE!
Yea my life has been that way for the past week..... Side note: I strongly believe God prepares us for these BAM seasons we just don't know that He has prepared us for that BAM moment. : Over the past 3 weeks I have seen people pass away , families broken, girls I've mentored fall apart and life just thrown at your face. I have been reminded through all of this that God is faithful and God is true and God is God through all of this. And on top of it all we are not guaranteed anything in life.... not even our next breath or our next dream to come to pass.... ..This has been the BIG "Shock" reminder to me in the past weeks. And i thought through all that has gone on God was just like here Crystal be reminded that I am who I say I am and I will do what I say I will do and on top of it My Grace is Sufficient through every circumstance not just the ones you choose my grace for! But my grace is always present and always Sufficient!
Well His grace sure was put to test in my life on Monday, As i was driving and half way paying attention i ran into a car .... probably one of the top most scariest times in my life. In the moments of seeing it, slamming on my brakes and swerving all i could think of what Jesus..... as my car stopped after hitting a bush and skimming a telephone pole my heart was racing a hundred miles per hour i had no idea what to think except for am i okay , is the other car ok,,,,, in those moments my heart was numb , and this stranger stopped ran over the me to check on me and calm me down along with 3 other cars full of people.... when the ambulance came all i could think over and over again was God your grace is sufficient.
Even though this was the crummiest thing that could happen especially with it being my fault, and me walking away with very minor injuries ...my heart was reminded wow , God you grace really is all i need!
Yesterday i was faced with my car to see the damage.... after looking at it i was taken back ....as the damaged done to the car should have caused more damaged to me ...but because God is such a sovereign God and his grace is overly sufficient he watched over me! .... The past 2 days I have been stuck to resting...just resting ....(Which if you know me i am known to hate rest, but am constantly on the go). In this unexpected season of trusting in God that insurance will work its way out and just resting i am reminded that His grace is sufficient, His grace will get me through because along with His grace comes an everlasting Peace. So along with soaking up His grace I am having to lay it all down at his feet and focus on this unexpected season of learning about His amazing, undeniable GRACE!
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