Desperation

About 2 months ago I began seeing things in a different light.
You know sometimes how life  is when we are just in a rush moment? So much to do , so little time to get it done. Well that has been my life for about oh 6 years now and in the past 2 it has just sped up a little faster.
  The past 2 months though things have been different my heart has slowed down, while my mind has continued to race.
 I was talking to a friend this past weekend and she reminded me of why do we have to do things like they have always been done and she proposed the question why stay with something if in a year from now you look back and see it  in the same spot and in the process you never grew, moved or saw growth with the area? 

Sometimes in life I choose to pick up people's "burdens"( thing's in their ministry/life  they need someone to come along side of them and serve and or help in) because I Love people, and I love relationships..... I love deep heart connected relationships, and one reason I do this alot of the time (not all the time) is because i feel in my heart if i do this then i will in return become closer to them and be able to be a part of their life. But in reality a majority of the times this is not the case. This has happened a lot this past year with a few people in my life and has happened in the past with old friends.

I don't know why things come up when they do , or why God allows different things to come up in different seassons but He does.
Today I am seeing the truth in how he pick up things and i am  seeing it in a different light therefor God is bringing it to the surface to change it. So I can make a change and be willing to allow him to change it too.

Thinking through the past year, this time last year / I am in the same place in a lot of ways... and my heart hurts when i think of that , because i never want to be in the same place year after year. Don't get me wrong i do see growth in a lot  of areas...such as marriage desire, allowing people to see me , being honest and vulnerable with those in my life the close people in my life my heart friends. But when it comes to other areas i see little change and no big growth.....is this a bad thing i don't know because I'm not God, my perfectionist heart says yes..... for me sitting still in one place  for a year and not growing and seeing growth is not  okay, especially when in the process you allow the passion to die down that God gave you! ......

So what to do now?

 Nothing? No,  pray, seek god hard , Get desperate ,  push in, press in , get desperate, hungry, passionate,thirsty for God to speak, move, touch,push...Desperate to do anything and everything to just hear God, see his heart, feel his heart!

But the one questions thats in my mind at this moment is how desperate do i have to get before He moves, how long will i be in this state of desperation? a day, a week, a year? when will God jump in pour out and speak?

I'm desperate!

Beauty, love, church

Last weekend a dream in my heart came to reality. For about 5 years now I have had this deep desire and passion to see a conference take place where girls ages 13-26 learn the truth of what God thinks of them and replaces the lies with the truth. I wanted to see worldly definitions of beauty and true identity stripped from the lives of girls and in exchange God give them a brand new thought a God thought of who they are and how we are His daughters and He loves in a deep way! So One day girl  happened...Throughout the entire day I saw girls really exchange the lies they have bit into for years and get truth of God in return and walk away feeling confident and ready to accomplish anything and everything. A desire came to reality....and it was amazing to be a part of that.
Over the past 6 months of planning for this even and even now I have had the love of God in forefront of my mind. When I think about the love of God, I am reminded of the relationships I have in my life. I am the type of person that is all about heart connected friends. Recently I was talking to a friend just about life and it didn't really surprise me but as we were both sharing about life we realized we had been going through some the same things. In those moments i step back and thank God for giving me a friend to do life with. To have a person in my life that not only is going through some of the same things but that will stand beside me and will encourage, love and pray for me and even challenge me because we have this relationship where we know when to push, stretch,pray and love. and we know when to just smile , listen, pray and how to bring it across.Relationships are important....They are what gets you through life and pushes you on!
To go back to life and insecurity and ahhh moments. Have you ever had those moments in life when you just looked in the mirror and have a moment of what the crap I can't do anything because my nose is too crooked, my teeth are ugly, my hips are too big no one will hear me because of how I look. Yep, I have had those moments many times. But you know what those times when you pick at your looks and your body that's not how low self-esteem, self-hatred, insecurity , and fear of man began. It all starts with your heart. Think back to when you were 5 or 6 or even in middle school and think of the first time you felt like you didn't matter, you were a nobody? What was spoken into your life, what magazine did you see? What movie did you watch? Word attach themselves to your heart and have the potential to kill you or bring life to you (Depending on the type of words they are). When you buy into a lie of I am nothing because my parents never paid attention to me , you can take that lie and then turn it  into I am nothing because my parents never paid attention to me and so no one loves me because my parents opinion is the only opinion that matters and if they don't love me or give me attention then no one will so i will just keep quiet because my voice does not matter and I am a no one! This lie can deeper and deeper depending on how long it's been there and it's root goes deeper into your heart and in all honesty it had the ability to kill you!
Why do we allow these words and lies to sit in? because its a comfort sometimes we don't know how to really live without these lies because we have gotten so use to living in a  tied up, bound up, beaten way of life.
Well in the middle of thinking this blog through this scripture came

When We Practice Real Love

^18-20My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.
^21-24And friends, once that's taken care of and we're no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we're bold and free before God! We're able to stretch our hands out and receive what we asked for because we're doing what he said, doing what pleases him. Again, this is God's command: to believe in his personally named Son, Jesus Christ. He told us to love each other, in line with the original command. As we keep his commands, we live deeply and surely in him, and he lives in us. And this is how we experience his deep and abiding presence in us: by the Spirit he gave us.

In this scripture it says lets practice real love, God loves his children deeply. He loves you and me deeply and when we practice real love not just with other people but with ourselves. If you can't truly love yourself then how can you 1. ever had this abiding deep peace 1 john is speaking of and 2. really have any real heart connected relationships in life? you can't...life is meant to be lived to the fullest and to be lived out with God's love.......
Take a chance and ........
His love is better then any lie you are believing,