Desperation

About 2 months ago I began seeing things in a different light.
You know sometimes how life  is when we are just in a rush moment? So much to do , so little time to get it done. Well that has been my life for about oh 6 years now and in the past 2 it has just sped up a little faster.
  The past 2 months though things have been different my heart has slowed down, while my mind has continued to race.
 I was talking to a friend this past weekend and she reminded me of why do we have to do things like they have always been done and she proposed the question why stay with something if in a year from now you look back and see it  in the same spot and in the process you never grew, moved or saw growth with the area? 

Sometimes in life I choose to pick up people's "burdens"( thing's in their ministry/life  they need someone to come along side of them and serve and or help in) because I Love people, and I love relationships..... I love deep heart connected relationships, and one reason I do this alot of the time (not all the time) is because i feel in my heart if i do this then i will in return become closer to them and be able to be a part of their life. But in reality a majority of the times this is not the case. This has happened a lot this past year with a few people in my life and has happened in the past with old friends.

I don't know why things come up when they do , or why God allows different things to come up in different seassons but He does.
Today I am seeing the truth in how he pick up things and i am  seeing it in a different light therefor God is bringing it to the surface to change it. So I can make a change and be willing to allow him to change it too.

Thinking through the past year, this time last year / I am in the same place in a lot of ways... and my heart hurts when i think of that , because i never want to be in the same place year after year. Don't get me wrong i do see growth in a lot  of areas...such as marriage desire, allowing people to see me , being honest and vulnerable with those in my life the close people in my life my heart friends. But when it comes to other areas i see little change and no big growth.....is this a bad thing i don't know because I'm not God, my perfectionist heart says yes..... for me sitting still in one place  for a year and not growing and seeing growth is not  okay, especially when in the process you allow the passion to die down that God gave you! ......

So what to do now?

 Nothing? No,  pray, seek god hard , Get desperate ,  push in, press in , get desperate, hungry, passionate,thirsty for God to speak, move, touch,push...Desperate to do anything and everything to just hear God, see his heart, feel his heart!

But the one questions thats in my mind at this moment is how desperate do i have to get before He moves, how long will i be in this state of desperation? a day, a week, a year? when will God jump in pour out and speak?

I'm desperate!